By Plutarch
as published in Vol. II of Moralia of the Loeb Classical Library Edition, 1928.
Plutarch is often echoing on the earlier works on friendship, e.g. Cicero’s On Friendships. He does often give his own unique spin on things.
93D:
One thing which stands out among many others, as particularly antagonistic to our acquisition of friendship, is the craving for numerous friends, which is like that of licentious women, for because of our frequent intimacies with many different persons we cannot keep our hold on our earlier associates, who are neglected and drift away.
93F:
What then is the coin of friendship? It is goodwill and graciousness combined with virtue, than which nature has nothing more rare. It follows, then, that a strong mutual friendship with many persons is impossible, but, just as rivers whose waters are divided among branches and channels flow weak and thin, so affection, naturally strong in a soul, if portioned out among many persons become utterly enfeebled.
94A:
We do not maintain that our friend should be “the only one,” but along with others let there be some “child of our eld” and “late-begotten,” as it were, who has consumed with us in the course of time the proverbial bushel of salt, not as is the fashion nowadays, by which many get the name of friend by drinking a single glass together, or by spending a night under the same roof, and so pick up a friendship from inn, gymnasium, or market-place.
94B:
But true friendship seeks after three things above all else: virtue as a good thing, intimacy as a pleasant thing, and usefulness as a necessary thing, for a man ought to use judgement before accepting a friend, and to enjoy being with him and to use him when in need of him, and all these things stand in the way of one’s having many friends; but most in the way is the first (which is the most important) — the approval through judgement.
94D:
[…] friendship, [when] rightly and surely tried, promises a refuge and protection.
But here is the difficulty — that it is not easy to escape or to put aside an unsatisfactory friendship; but as harmful and disquieting food can neither be retained without causing pain and injury, nor ejected in the form in which it was taken in, but only as a disgusting and repulsive mess, so an unprincipled friend either causes pain and intense discomfort by his continued association, or else with accompanying enmity and hostility is forcibly ejected like bile.
94E:
We ought therefore not to accept readily chance acquaintances, or attach ourselves to them, nor ought we to make friends of those who seek after us, but rather we should seek after those who are worthy of friendship. For one should by no means take what can easily be taken. In fact we step over or thrust aside bramble and brier, which seize hold upon us, and make our way onward to the olive and the vine. Thus it is always an excellent thing not to make an intimate acquaintance of the man who is ready with his embraces, but rather, of our own motion, to embrace those of whom we approve as worthy of our attention and useful to us.
95A
Now what is commonly called having a multitude of friends apparently produces the opposite result. For friendship draws persons together and unites them and keeps them united in a close fellowship by means of continual association and mutual acts of kindness —
Just as the fig-juice fastens the white milk firmly and binds it, as Empedocles puts it (for such is the unity and consolidation that true friendship desires to effect); but, on the other hand, having a multitude of friends causes disunion, separation, and divergence, since, by calling one hither and thither, and transferring one’s attention now to this person, now to that, it does not permit any blending or close attachment of goodwill to take place in the intimacy which moulds itself about friendship and takes enduring form. This at once suggests also the inequality there must be and embarrassment about rendering services, since the very useful elements in friendship are rendered practically useless by having many friends.
95D:
It is impossible to be with them all, and unnatural to be with none, and yet to do a service to one alone, and thus to offend many, is a source of vexation: For fond affection does not brook neglect.
95E:
Most people, apparently, look at the possession of a host of friends merely from the point of view of what such friendships are able to bestow, and overlook what these demand in return, forgetting that he who accepts the services of many for his needs must in turn render like service to many in their need.
96A:
if the coming of any friendship into one’s life brings with it many afflictions, wherein refusal to share the other’s anxieties, burdens, toils, and dangers is altogether intolerable for free-born and generous persons.
96D:
For these reasons it is not a fit thing to be thus unsparing of our virtue, uniting and intertwining it now with one and now with another, but rather only with those who are qualified to keep up the same participation, that is to say, those who are able, in a like manner, to love and participate. For herein plainly is the greatest obstacle of all to having a multitude of friends, in that friendship comes into being through likeness.
96F:
It is true that the harmony produced on harp and lyre gets its consonance through tones of dissonant pitch, a likeness being somehow engendered between the higher and the lower notes; but in our friendship’s consonance and harmony there must be no element unlike, uneven, or unequal, but all must be alike to engender agreement in words, counsels, opinions, and feelings, and it must be as if one soul were apportioned among two or more bodies.
97B:
And as the natural philosophers say of the formless and colourless substance and material which is the underlying basis of everything and of itself turns into everything, that it is now in a state of combustion, now liquefied, at another time aeriform, and then again solid, so the possession of a multitude of friends will necessarily have, as its underlying basis, a soul that is very impressionable, versatile, pliant, and readily changeable. But friendship seeks for a fixed and steadfast character which does not shift about, but continues in one place and in one intimacy. For this reason a steadfast friend is something rare and hard to find.
What genuine Friendship involves
- The coin of friendship is goodwill and gratitude along with virtue. [93F]
- True friendship seeks three things the most [94B] :
- Virtue as something good or honorable. Plutarch points out that this is the most important characteristic.
- Intimacy as something pleasant.
- Usefulness as something necessary.
- Draws people together, units, holds together in close fellowship [95F]
- Involves sharing the others’ anxieties, burdens, toils and dangers. [96A]
- Has beginnings in likeness and mutual interests. [96F]
- Consonance and harmony.
- Agreement in words, counsels, opinions and feelings.
- Seeks a fixed and steadfast character. [97B]
- Doesn’t shift around, remains in one place and in intimacy.
Trying and testing friends
- Genuine Friendship requires a lot of time. [94A]
- The proverbial bushel of salt
- We designate who our Friends are too quickly
- Thorough judgement of friends is most important.
- It is difficult to do this with many people.
- Friendship when rightly and steadily become a form of refuge and protection. [94D]
- When som put friendship onto us untested, they are discovered to be like bad coins.
- Problems with having an unsatisfactory friendship is like eating bad food - having food poisoning.
- Can’t keep it in, can’t vomit it out in the same state as it came in.
- Who should we befriend? Those we approve as worthy and useful. [94E]
- Not acquaintances by chance nor those who seek us out and embrace us.
- Preserve friendship and intimacy only by adopting them after spending a long time in passing judgement on them. [94F]